


Trepidation

by dokkalbi



Category: Dragon Age: Origins
Genre: Canon Compliant, Gen, Introspection, Minor Character Death, This is mostly me hyperfocusing on one specific convo since I can't play rn, Though vague, obviously i added some extra feels
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-11
Updated: 2018-12-11
Packaged: 2019-09-16 08:08:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 570
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16950231
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dokkalbi/pseuds/dokkalbi
Summary: There are few moments where a Warden's resolve cracks.





	Trepidation

Since leaving his clan, Seren was met with countless trials, seldom stopping at the loss of Tamlen. Every step he's taken as a Warden has trudged through more than he never imagined he could take in all his years alive. All the more fights, and all the more monsters – darkspawn, shemlen and otherwise – and all the more deaths to weigh that all down afterwards. When it's left to two Wardens standing, both he and Alistair had no choice but to carry on what they've started, a will of many falling onto their sad shoulders, slumping them with grief to match.  
  
_You're too soft, lethallin_. His old friends' voice lingers in his mind – as if it were possible to forget Tamlen, as if he didn't dig up his last moments every other night – and he couldn't help but silently agree. He's not good for this, he believes, he can't help Alistair like he wants him to. Something has broken in him, and he only wishes he could make that clear.   
  
"I truly did the best I could," Seren breathes out, already tired of yelling, of all the fights he's come to pass, he never realized that Alistair would be one of his most difficult today. "It was _her_ choice Alistair, you don't think I didn't try to find a better option?" Through a flurry of remembrance, he knew that was a terrible excuse, and he could only recall his mistakes over and over as Alistair brought it up, how he didn’t discuss this with Morrigan (already earning a bit more of her scorn) and letting her deal with whatever horror killing that kid– that _kid_ – he could help _someone_ – How could he ever let that thing take _someone else_? _Why would he have to think about it_? 

   
**_"I'm sorry", Duncan lowers his head, "we couldn't find him."_ **

  
"Was… that really the best we could do?" his friend asks, pulling his focus back in.  
  
"We? Alistair–" – _I'm the one who did this,_ he tries to say, he can't. 

 

  ** _"It should have been me."_**

**_"Seren, don't say that."_ **

 

" _Seren_. Was there really no other option?" Alistair asks, quieter, with the blatant anger beyond dissipated, and soon Seren's understanding of his own judgement gets even cloudier. So too does it become clear to Alistair that he's asked the wrong question, too gently, he starts again, "Just who were you trying to save back there?"

_Because it wasn't Connor_ , he wants Alistair to say, he _wants_ to believe that every abusive word they've hurled at each other was just short of that realization, but Seren recognizes something in his friend's eyes, pain, terror, and worst of all, _understanding_. 

 

**_The elf struggles to keep the tears from falling as Alistair gives in to the weight of their loss, quietly berating himself for "blubbering" – as Morrigan would call it – as he buried his face in his hands. Seren could only sit beside him, giving Alistair a quiet moment and wallowing in the grief himself. No apologies could help this, no words could fix what the darkspawn has wrought._**  
  
**_"I would do anything," Alistair chokes out, "anything to bring them back."_**  
  
**_Seren nods, "I know." And whether or not Alistair's words will ring true later, Seren silently thinks back– to that losing battle– to that accursed mirror– and he agrees. He would too._  **

 

He searches Alistair's face, he tries his hardest to find an answer before he breaks.

**Author's Note:**

> I realized while editing this what kind of weird timing it is to post this with the announcements n' all slkjdf.. I legit have a lot of catching up to do. But YEAH hey first ever posted fic and it's Dragon Angst so like yaaaaayyyy..


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